The Safest Ways To Have One of The Hardest Conversations of Your Kids’ lives
I have heard this question more times than I remember. Many parents are aware of the impact that this conversation, and the moments (and years) which follow, will have on their kids. In fact, many parents who I speak with can remember their own parents having these exact conversations with them, and the confusion and potentially trauma which ensued. Naturally, many of today’s parents want to avoid the worst case scenario for their own kids and mitigate any negative outcomes for their children.
Imagine the blue grey volcanic mountains holding their position, while the wind blows down to a Mayan tribe watching from below. A boy walking head down catches an elders’ eyes and she decides to ask the child why he looks so glum. “My parents are arguing again, there is no food or money and this years crops are looking pretty shady- I haven’t really been sleeping very well because of it all.” he says.
“Well then I know just the solution!”
I am a firm believer in all of us being responsible for our reactions, behaviours and ourselves. However I also believe that prevention is better than the cure (and much easier). This is a message to all of you that you have power in the future of our society – the power to positively influence the generations to come.
Most of us have heard of positive psychology and about its benefits (if not go tohttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_psychology and get reading!) made popular largely by Martin Seligman.
The basics of positive of psychology are about teaching ourselves to be happier and thus helping our brains ‘think happy’. My question is; does positive psychology insinuate that to be happy we teach ourselves positive thinking and thus avoid the harder emotions?
Millions of years ago, our humaniod ancestry would travel in packs, tools in hand, searching the lands for food and sustenance. At this point in our history, a threat would stimulate a few simple responses from our body that helped us outlive other species and grow into the people we are today. No response was as quick as our anger.
“The Mind Is The Source Of Happiness and Unhappiness”
Truer words have never been spoken! This is the power of the brain, to shower us in glee one moment and then inundate us with grief the next. The power of thinking is such that one can almost kill themselves by pure thought (literally).
Think about the relationship between parents and kids as a mountainous range. There are highs and lows in the relationship, there are some rocky areas and some beautiful moments. There is also a constant sense of closeness and distance which is always changing and shifting, especially as kids grow into teenagers and young adults. If we think of a relationship in this way, we can see how important closeness and distance is to a parent/child relationship and to relationships in general.
Ray Medhora can be found practicing child and family therapy in Sydney Australia as well as training other aspiring counsellors to help them reach their goals.. Ray always feels odd writing in third person.